Drama as drunkards turn court into theatre of the absurd.

Drunkards are an  interesting lot. They are at times funnier than your average Kenyan  comedian, if the theatrics a bunch of them brought to a Nyeri court a  week ago is anything to go by.   A group of 85 men had been arraigned in court and charged with being  drunk and disorderly. That some of them were still in a drunken stupor  made the courtroom literally turn into a theatre of the absurd.
 Interestingly, a mtungi  (pot) full of a frothy brew, which was still fermenting and from which  some of the suspects never moved their eyes, was produced in court as  exhibit.  Drama began when the court clerk started explaining to them why they had  been arraigned in court. “Mlipatikana mkipiga kelele na kutembea kwa  mwendo wa kuyumbayumba (You were caught drunk and disorderly),” he told  them.  In unison, the drunkards pleaded guilty to the charges, and that was  when the comedy began. Each one of them was given an opportunity to  explain why they were “disturbing peace” and why they should not be  charged.  First on the line was a particularly witty individual who asked the  court to free him because his youngest daughter was pregnant.  He told the magistrate that he is the sole breadwinner of his family  including the foetus in his 17-year-old daughter’s womb. “Huyo musichana  alikuwa ametoroka, lakini kurudi alikuja na mimba (My daughter had run  away from home, only to return with a pregnancy,” said the man, arousing  a merry round of laughter in the packed courtroom.

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Last sip
The next drunk told the court he was in the process of quitting alcohol  and, in fact, he was on his last day when the police ambushed the den  and arrested him on his last sip.  He said he had resolved to quit alcohol after he recently witnessed,  ‘booze warriors’ succumb to illicit liquor in different parts of the  country. “For the 10 years I have been drinking, I have never been  arrested by police. This was in fact bad luck to me because I was in the  process of quitting alcohol when they came. They just caught me on my  last sip,” he repeated.  And before the tickled courtroom could recover from outbursts and  ramblings, one of his partners in crime, perhaps not to be outdone, took  the comedy a notch higher. In his defence, he told the magistrate he  never takes alcohol but had turned to it after the scotching sun on that  day “burned” his head, disorganising his thinking, moving and seeing  faculties.  “The sun had burned my head, thus I couldn’t do things properly. That is  why I turned to alcohol, but I swear here today, I will never drink  again,” he pleaded.But the showstopper was an elderly man who tickled those in attendance.  After pleading guilty to the charges, told the magistrate that even  before slapping him with any amount of bail, he should be released to go and look for more money to bail himself out because all he had in his pocket was Sh100! "Nii ndiro na igana rimwe. Ona kaba mwambe mundekererie ndie ngethe icio ingi (All I have is Sh100. If you can, please free me so that I can go get you the rest if the fine exceeds that)” he begged, rather emotionally. Interestingly, the magistrate heard his plea, and only fined him Sh100!